


Click Three Times

by Ionaonie



Series: The Bond Files [7]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bond is a menace, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ionaonie/pseuds/Ionaonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘You only look like that after Bond’s done something particularly thick-skulled.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Click Three Times

**Author's Note:**

> Not particularly betaed, but thanks to thisissirus and seektheinfinite for glancing over this for me. All mistakes are mine and if you see anything glaringly obvious, let me know.

‘So, come on then, what did he do this time?’ 

Q jumped as Eve plopped down in the chair next to him. He hadn’t heard his office door open or even her heels click across the wooden floor. ‘What?’

‘Bond,’ she clarified. ‘What did he do?’ 

He glared at Eve’s shoes as she dropped them carelessly on the floor next to her chair. ‘What makes you think it’s Bond who’s done anything?’ 

‘You’re glaring at that whiteboard like it’s offended you personally.’

Out of the corner of his eye, Q could see Eve watching him, concern etched across her face. ‘So?’ 

‘You only look like that after Bond’s done something particularly thick-skulled.’ Something must have shown on his face because she reached over and squeezed his arm reassuringly. ‘It’s not obvious. Don’t worry.’ 

It was impossible to tell without asking if Eve was talking about his inadvisable and expanding crush on Bond or just the fact that he was visibly worried about an agent. He accepted the reassurance without comment though. 

Q had no idea how long they sat there, not talking, Eve waiting patiently for him to finally speak. 

‘He.’ Q coughed, his throat like sandpaper. ‘He jumped onto an unstable platform that was no more than five feet long and maybe a foot wide on a good day, suspended several hundred feet in the air. I’d mapped out a far more logical descent that would have added thirty-nine seconds, tops, and far less risk.’ 

Eve sighed and nodded. ‘I know.’ 

‘It was stupid and irresponsible.’

‘He gets very focused, Q, you know that.’ 

‘There’s focused and then there’s suicidal,’ he snapped. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. ‘Sorry.’ He rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses. ‘That was uncalled for.’ 

‘Already forgotten,’ Eve reassured him. ‘But he needed to retrieve the prototype. If it had ever fallen into hands that could figure out how to make it work…’

And Q knew exactly what would have happened if that had come to pass, so he didn’t bother replying. 

‘He fell. The bastard sodding fell. He hit too hard and tumbled over the edge. I got to watch it all in high definition on the main screen.’ 

The moment itself had been over in a matter of seconds - Bond hitting the platform hard and going over (Q branch gasping collectively), his jacket snagging and halting his descent and Bond hoisting himself back up and carrying on as though it was nothing. Which, in all honesty, to him it probably wasn’t. But to Q, well, his brain seemed fixed playing it in slow motion _all the damn time_. Even now, three hours later, he couldn’t stop playing through what would have happened if James had plummeted to his death. A normal person would have. Thankfully, though, Bond was anything but normal. 

‘But he didn’t.’ 

‘Only because his jacket caught on something. If he hadn’t been wearing it -’ Q trailed off, unable to articulate just what the end result would have been, had Bond actually fallen. It was one thing for him to be killed by an enemy, or for something _meaningful_ (whatever that meant), but it was quite another for him to be killed by sheer bloody-minded stupidity. 

‘But he was.’ 

‘It was luck. Pure luck.’

‘This job is sixty percent luck.’

Q snorted. He didn’t like luck; didn’t trust it. He much preferred the simplicity and dependability of code. 

‘He was completing his mission.’ Her voice was gentle, but firm. 

‘I think it would have been hard for him to complete his mission if he’d ended up as a red smear on the concrete below.’

Eve crossed her legs and rested her hands on her stomach, giving Q what he would charitably call a probing look. ‘So are you mad at him for not listening to you or for nearly dying?’

Taking a deep breath, Q held it for a long moment before exhaling out through his nose. ‘Both, I would imagine.’ He glanced at Eve, and shrugged. ‘It’s kind of hard to tell at the moment.’ His brain felt like it was full of white noise and it was proving difficult to delete. 

‘Well, I think you probably need to work that out before he swans in here and breezes off on his next mission.’ 

Q hummed, although he couldn’t say if it was in agreement or not. At that moment all he really wanted to do was punch Bond hard in the face. Which would hurt him rather more than it would hurt Bond. So it was probably a good thing that he was currently on a plane back home. ‘You’re probably right,’ he agreed with a sigh. 

‘I do tend to be.’

He glanced at her, letting one side of his mouth curl up into something resembling a smile. ‘No need to be smug, Eve. It’s very unbecoming.’ 

‘Q, are you getting defensive?’ 

‘No.’ He blinked at her. ‘Why would I be?’ 

Eve held his gaze, her eyes knowing. Which, well. Certainly suggested that she was aware of his crush. 

‘Well, balls.’ Scowling, he slumped down further in his chair. It was petulant and probably made him seem even more like a disgruntled schoolboy but he didn’t care right then. 

Eve laughed and leaned forward to pat him on the arm. ‘Don’t be like that,’ she said fondly. 

‘It’s very inconvenient,’ he told her seriously. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. ‘Very inconvenient indeed.’ 

‘It’s my experience that everything about Bond is inconvenient,’ Eve said dryly. 

Q snorted. ‘Yes, well.’ He pushed his glasses back up his nose. ‘It’s a phase and it’ll blow over.’

‘Q -’

‘I’m almost positive I read something about everyone crushing on Bond when they first arrive. The welcome handbook has an entire chapter on it. It’s like a rite of passage. It doesn’t _mean_ anything.’

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But if Q was honest with himself (and he’d learnt that it was best to be honest with yourself, at least), it was rapidly becoming _something_. Something he might not quite be able to control. 

‘But what does it mean to you, Q?’

Q narrowed his eyes. ‘Did you take your shoes off expressly so you could sneak in here and trick me into admitting _things_?’

Eve’s eyes widened slightly. ‘Would I do a thing like that?’ 

‘Definitely.’ The taste of bile that had been lingering at the back of his throat was finally starting to fade. 

Eve laughed. 

‘You are a horrible person,’ he said with feeling.

‘I’m just worried about you, Q.’

‘I know that Bond insists that I’ve yet to reach puberty, but I’m only three years shy of thirty.’ He arched an eyebrow. ‘I think I can look after myself.’ 

‘I don’t want you getting hurt.’

He offered her a smile. ‘I’m not going to.’

‘How do you know?’ 

‘Because nothing will ever come of it.’ It was something he instinctively knew, like the quickest way to hack a system. 

‘How -’

‘Because I’ve read his file,’ he said, anticipating Eve’s next question. ‘I’m really not his type and I’m okay with Bond ignoring the elephant in the room for as long as it takes to go away.’

Really, he was _fine_ with James not being interested - oh, hell. 

How long had he been be calling Bond by his first name? Q closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not caring what - if any - assumptions Eve might pull from such a reaction. He knew better than to personalise agents, to think of them by their given names. Especially the 00’s and particularly Bond. God, especially Bond. Getting attached to Bond was folly. Okay, so getting _more_ attached was folly. 

Eve stood up and stepped close to squeeze his shoulder. ‘I’ve got to go. M is expecting a call in ten minutes and I need to be there.’ 

Q nodded. 

‘If you need to talk…’

‘You will be first on the list,’ he assured her. He didn’t have Bond’s poker face, but his wasn’t that bad. Good enough to fool Eve, at any rate, even if it did make him feel slightly guilty. 

Eve bent and picked up her shoes before standing and walking back towards the door. 

‘And put your shoes back on,’ he called as she pulled the door closed. ‘I don’t want people getting the wrong idea about us.’

Eve stuck her head back inside, a wicked grin on her face. ‘What? That you’ve got a shoe fetish and I wear these fabulous shoes to indulge you?’ 

‘Out. Get out of my office.’

He could hear Eve’s laughter as she walked away, the click of her heels echoing down the corridor and back into his office.

After giving himself a few more minutes to wallow, Q forced himself to sit up straighter and stand. He still had work to do before Bond reappeared.


End file.
